Loving is a Good Thing

Greetings Everyone!

I realize I have been absent. I have experienced a little writer’s block but Papa Divine is coming to my rescue.

I had a serious talk with Papa today.   After I confessed that the Shadow was losing the battle because I refuse to let The Liar have any advantage. I am speaking positively. Notice how I did not use the ‘D’ word. I believe If I say I am d–pre—d then I am giving in. I have too much to do and a short time to get it done so I gotta stay focused.

How am I today? I am BLESSED BY THE BEST! I have spent too many decades saying negative things to about myself.

It is time to STOP!

I realized that I don’t ever ask Papa how is doing.   Just because I know he is always present doesn’t mean I should take advantage of the privilege. I want to acknowledge his faithfulness in a new way. I want to sing to him a new song!

So I say, Father God, please know that I would be totally and completely lost without you. I refuse to imagine one moment of my living where you do not exist.

I want to thank you for reading my last blog post. I added a cliffhanger at the end.

That last blog post is the beginning of something profound. I called that a preface; an introduction to what is to come and an introduction to me.

I will fill in some details in my next blog post.

Have a great day and ask Papa how he is doing today. I am sure he will surprise you!

I love you because Jesus loves me.

Loving each other is a good thing.

Before The World Rises (Preface)

Preface

I refuse to write a memoir or a blog without any reference to my ethnic heritage. It’s not because I want my reader to know that I am Black so that my book will attract people like me. My cultural identity is more about being understood and being accepted as I am. I refuse to go on speaking and sounding white American as if am blinded by my dual culture upbringing. I find it unwarranted to push towards the black in me or the white in me. It’s a waste of time to sort out what percentage I am of either. I want to be faithful to the struggle. I am a proud Black woman of the 70’s. I celebrated Black Power along with Angela Davis, Stokely Carmichael, and the Black Panthers. I will sing We Shall Overcome in unison with other Blacks because I know we experience solidarity when we lift our voices. The movement might not always be politically appropriate, yet whether in ruthless rioting or civil rights activism it is still the fight for freedom.

I am Black American. Some prefer African American, most find Negro archaic while some are conditionally colored, yet we were unified because we share a lament in black gospel music and we all define soul food with collard greens, cornbread, black-eyed peas, fried chicken, ham hocks, sweet potato pie, and hope.

When I find collard greens in cans, I stop and glare at the label. Imagine that! Do they taste familiar? Soul food cooking is a labor of love, and I don’t feel the love from a can. I do feel loved by the cooks in my family who taught me with joy how to take special care in food preparation and setting the table. Those processed foods are no substitute for smoked turkey legs cooked down with banana peppers, onions, and jalapeno peppers. I know young black folk have never eaten chitlins or have they smelled that unique aroma on Sunday morning and tasted them with cornbread on Sunday afternoon because that was the only thing on the menu.

Now, I must say that I do enjoy fine dining in fancy restaurants. Lobster bisque served aside, smoked oysters, with garlic stuffed mushrooms, or shrimp cocktail on a crown of romaine lettuce. My mother made sure I was exposed to fine dining.

Yes, and thanks to my great-grandmother I can make a savory soup with leftover Thanksgiving turkey bones and fresh vegetables. I can whip up a batch of buttermilk biscuits that will leave you begging for the recipe.

Yes, I am Black, and I am proud. I hold my head high. My ancestors fought for freedom, equality, and justice. They fought for me.

Up until the last two decades, blacks acknowledged one another in public places because we are happy to see another black face. I remember when my folks took me camping one summer; I disliked the whole idea of being damp and gritty with sand under my feet. As soon as we were settled in our campsite, my dad went across the lot to visit another black family across the park. The men made the head nod as we drove past the Black family. I knew we would soon have new friends say. I learned social grace from my dad.

He also taught me that it was appropriate to allow a man to touch me.

 

THE WAY WE FIT

There are times in my life when I feel like I don’t fit. My first semester in college felt like being dropped on a foreign planet where everyone spoke a different language.
There I am just 17 years old, a small town farm girl from a city of 6000 where there is no McDonalds; to an environment of inner-city youth dressed like Soul Train dancers. How does this mix of Detroit and Ypsilanti folk fit? The Ypsilanti folk claimed their territory because they outnumber the Motor City students. Ypsilanti youth are an across-the-tracks kind of country who had a dialect all their own while the Detroit folks were black “bougie wannabees” flanked by the Bloomfield white rich kids who didn’t speak outside the dorm room.
My first dormitory roommate was a blonde, thick blue-eyed chick who was my best friend behind the closed door of our room and a stranger in the halls and cafeteria. I was too shy and ignorant to know what racial discrimination was all about. I interpreted every silent confrontation with fear and trepidation. In high school, I am “Most-All-Around, friends with everyone.

I look back on this first semester, and I realize that I survived because I imagined that I was the most popular unknown.
Sometimes I don’t fit into my own body. What is this feeling? It feels like I am the little girl trapped in a house with two mean old ladies (more about them later).

As long as I can shut and lock the door, I can disappear in a world where dolls talk to each other, and plastic palomino horses ride me on their backs so fast that my hair grows clear down to my knees. Imagine that!
What does it feel like after being labeled weird and strange because I don’t sound black enough and I don’t seem like a proper speaking white girl? I am different and articulate. What does that mean? Does it say that because my skin is black, I shouldn’t use an educated vocabulary? Shouldn’t I be able to communicate with the white tinted folk across from me? We all are college graduates. I stand with Sojourner Truth as she bellows,  “Ain’t I a Woman!”

Behind my shy exposure, I am a determined little girl with a grown-up voice. I recognize the curious glance by those I make uncomfortable, and I gravitate towards them because I see their fear and lack of self-awareness. I want to help them find wholeness and learn to love the way God created them.
I am no longer intimidated by beautiful people; the last time I looked at my reflection, I am beautiful, too. I have conquered my “ugly duckling syndrome.”

I know how to entertain myself with books, brain games, and mandalas. I can imagine I am on top of a mountain gazing at a glorious waterfall in the distance. I can walk through a crowd with confidence and a sense of accomplishment because I am living NOW.
I am not dragging over-stuffed baggage around transferring every painful memory into the present. I am looking up into the heavens because that’s where my help comes. It’s okay not to fit and to be different. Papa says those who walk in the light are not like any other. We are each a reflector of a colorful prism, and being different is the way we fit.

You Can Be A Visionary!

Two months ago I purchased a book called “Creative Visualization” because it struck me as a quality I wanted to develop.

Creative Visualization is the technique of using your imagination to create what you want in your life. It’s your natural power of imagination, the primary creative energy of the universe, which you consistently use, whether or not you are aware of it. The book integrates the use of color to imprint the mind with the thoughts you create.

Webster defines the word “imagine” as the ability to form a mental image of something not present to the senses.
In other words, the ability to use your mind to spark your passion and inspire you to take actions that help you achieve your goals and realize your dreams.

The big idea is that your thoughts have creative energy. That’s right you are what you think. What I believe or my the ability to manifest my desires in the physical world is possible!. If I focus my thoughts on what you I want to create, I can develop the ability to bring those ideas into physical reality.

I believe that I am a triumphant survivor of Multiple Sclerosis. I am victorious because thirty years ago I repeated “I have MS, but it doesn’t have me!’ I still say that I am living with my cup “half full and not half empty!”
If you can imagine it, you can achieve it. If you can dream it, you can become it.

I have come to believe that if there is a feeling of something I wish to manifest, I can focus on the idea by visualizing it until there is a release of positive energy. In other words, until I achieve what I have been imagining.

I work the plan beginning with DESIRE, which I believe comes from God. Next, I take my THOUGHTS about the desire and add feeling and color. Then, I Imagine what it would feel like to achieve my passion, and then I apply an ACTION.

I am creatively visualizing my next book published and in your hands by July 12, 2019. Each day I speak positive affirmations to Papa, my husband and to me, and I write them down. I say

 

“NEGATIVE THOUGHTS BE GONE!”

The last part of this plan is to make myself accountable to you. I am telling you in print, so don’t hesitate to ask me, how is the writing projects going. I will welcome the empowerment.

I am making myself accountable because statistically
I only have fifteen more good years. I have a lot to share, so I have to stay focused.
My cognitive ability shuts down periodically when MS has its way with me, however, the process of creative visualization continues to move me toward my writing your goals.
The beginning of 2018 is still fresh.
I am challenging you to use your mind in different ways and to its full capacity. Try these apps: Lumosity and Elevate to stimulate your brain neurons. Keep your brain healthy and happy.

It’s time to create your future with a force to bring your ideas and vision of success to life; for God, for your family, your job, your ministry and especially for yourself.

“Imagination is everything. It’s the preview of life’s coming attractions.” –Albert Einstein

Oprah Winfrey said, “A NEW DAY IS ON THE HORIZON!”

What’s Going On?

Papa, what are you saying to me, today? I don’t want to take you for granted or underestimate your sovereignty, your wisdom, and your Almighty Power. It is a discipline to remain centered on the reason why I write. I am easily distracted. I have surrendered my TV watching. The time I spend watching other people’s adventures can be time writing my own stories.

I want to tell you what is going on.

First, I want YOU to know how much I appreciate your following my blog and how ecstatic I get when I receive a comment. The main thing I want to express to you is why I write. Writing is my passion, the cheapest therapy I know, and it is a discipline.

When I was fifteen, my folks took me to Fort Michilimackinac which was an 18th-century French, and later British, fort and trading post at the Straits of Mackinac right before you cross the bridge to Mackinaw Island. Built around 1783 on the northern tip of the lower peninsula of the state of Michigan, at present, it is a National Historic Landmark and is an open museum.

It is this depiction of the French an Indian War that I saw black men in orange jumpsuits constructing a building and digging in the ground. Glass separated me from talking but not from winking and blinking at the man who was flirting with me behind the glass.

I felt tingly by this inappropriate attention; as I was getting in the car to go home, a man dressed as a British soldier came and gave me a small piece of paper, unbeknown to my parents. He wished us a safe trip home; I am sure my mother would have demanded an explanation if she witnessed this moment.

On the note was scribbled a name and the address of a prison camp. That explains the orange jumpsuits, of course, I was too naive to recognize such a uniform. I wrote to the gentleman, and he responded with the most beautiful expressive letter printed on parchment paper with a red rose drawn across the top.

The way he used words was like nothing I had ever read. I made a flattered attempt to write back with the same romantic zeal. After six times he stopped writing. I always thought my mother had something to do with preventing more exchanges, like writing to the prison, but he could very well have been moved to another facility or released.

In my sophomore year of high school, my English teacher required all of her students to write a daily entry in a journal. Between the jumpsuit romance and my regular writing for a grade, the seed sprouted. Someday I knew I would become a published author!

I know the Holy Spirit is saying to me that I won’t discover my power or complete my calling if I try to build my life on my accomplishments. I am handpicked to refresh a world that is wandering around in a dry and thirsty land.  I hear a voice pleading with me, to be honest, and risk vulnerability. That’s a scary thing, right? However, it is the only reason that serves the supernatural power that the Spirit gives me to rise above my adversity.

My response is to write the memoir and to write on my blog. Out of these two will emerge my second book. My daughter, Georgia made jokes when I told her I was a memoirist. She said,

“Ma that’s not a word!”

I am committed to the possibility of my success. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

GOD HELPING ME!

SUCCESS!

Papa! Here I am. I know you have been waiting for me. You have been in my heart all night. Glory Be To Your Name, O God!      Lord, I felt you in my dream.

Success is motivation.

In the dream, I was waiting for a grade from a professor. Someone else was waiting also. The professor came and gave me two small grade sheets. One said 4.87 and the other 4.25! (wonder what those numbers mean?)

I couldn’t believe it. I was so pleased with myself. The first thing I thought was the reason why I did so well. Was it because I studied and not that hard.

In real time, I read the material over and over, which is what I am doing in the mornings. I am learning Scripture over and over. But it is very difficult.

Why is it so hard to read for me? As soon as I make up my mind to read a invisible wall appears then I start the negative self-talk. “You can’t get over that wall. It is too high and too thick.”  I say, “Who is that talking? Go away!”

The dream has a simple message. Apply yourself, and you will do well. Study, and you will recall and who helps me to remember? That powerful being that created me and gave me the capacity to learn. I wonder what I would be doing now if I had applied myself in high school?

This morning I am thinking happy, positive thoughts on purpose. No one is going to feel positive for me. I have to be my greatest coach. I am the closest person to me.

I am committed to my success. I release all negativity from my life. I choose to focus on being positive and productive!

I am experiencing a new success threshold from reading more extensive portions of Scripture. Reading is not something I did when I was younger even though my mother was a librarian.

I am finding that the discipline is creating a desire to learn. Imagine that!
Apply yourself, and you will do well, even at 65.

I play brain games every day, perhaps this regimen is aiding in my mental success.

Success is motivation.
Do well once and do well again!

No More Anxiety!

I am the woman at the well this morning. When Jesus told her things she thought no one knew about herself, she was so filled and transformed that she had to dash and tell the people in her village.

You are my village!

I wrote in my journal:

Morning Papa, Here we are. I am thankful you are faithful, ready, and available. All the time. You are great!
You are Almighty, trustworthy, and dependable.
The word Anxiety means an uneasiness of mind caused by fear, danger, misfortune.

Papa, I want someone to listen to me, float with me, explore the depths of your transcending power with me.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6,7

Transcend? – means surpass, excel, exceed
Greek translation is-     “escape inclusion in;    lie beyond the scope of,”

I can imagine stepping away from the stressful circumstance.

Yes! Yesterday I had a glimpse into this spiritual phenomena. I concluded that it is a direct result of reading Scripture since I have done more in the last weeks.
I have sensed a separation from the cause of my anxiety which is out of my control.

A separation or a space between the circumstance and the fear.

I remember asking God for peace of mind before I knew him as Lord. Another dude broke my heart, and I fell apart. I cried until I was sick. Here is a poem I wrote many years ago:

When I began my spiritual journey
I was in high turmoil over a
man
I was unhappy
and lonely
I asked God for peace of mind
I didn’t ask him to change the
circumstance
just for peace
he gave me what I asked for
he gave me
Himself

I did not recognize that the peace of God is always there. It guards my heart and mind all the time.

The Scripture says, “in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, ”

Prayer & Thanksgiving is the portal to peace of mind.

Prayer & Thanksgiving create an abyss – a full, immeasurable space, between the stress and the promise.

I am excited! I am empowered!

I can move away from stressful circumstances with the Lord on my side.

I couldn’t keep this joy to myself.

Thanks for listening.

KICK THAT BUTT!

One of my dear friends responded to my last post “Why Am I Afraid? She made my day! She said, “…reach out more and share life with others” is one of her goals this year.
Maintaining relationships is hard, right? Why is that? Here is what I think.
Ever since women earned the right to vote and smoke cigarettes, we have had an ongoing agenda for change. I’m going to tell you right now that if Harriet Tubman had not led my ancestors to “Wade in the Water,” I would never have become the first African American woman to graduate from Calvin Theological Seminary!

What a change this is!

I have to tell you that ever since Acts 2:42-47 jumped off the page like a rocket and pierced my heart, 40 years ago, I have felt that I am to share my life with others. The scripture says that those who believed broke bread together prayed together and fellowshipped with one another. Loving the Lord with all my heart and soul is hard, but I knew that my desire was not my own.

I think commercialism makes us believe we need to have the next new edition and the most improved. We can’t allow ourselves to be content or satisfied. If we do, we won’t be accepted by the chick in the next cubicle or that couple next door that just bought a new Dodge Ram. Of course, I need to keep my hair, nails, and eyelashes up to par!

Today I am not afraid, and I am not comparing myself to another woman. I am kicking myself in the butt and saying, “ok Angee girl get busy and use what you got!” What do I have?
I have the time I always wanted to write.  I believe I am to use this time to create, empower and encourage others. I’ve had to make some changes to appreciate this time like cutting out the TV and long periods of spacing out. I have figured that I can’t munch and type. That’s a good thing.
Since we have moved to Texas, I miss the easy access to the individual people that empowered and encouraged me.
I want to say to all of you who may be making that same New Year’s resolution to share your lives with others, to pay attention. I would be lost out here without you. Sharing my experiences with you is like money in the bank. The investment was worth it. I don’t have any excuse not to continue. Technology makes it possible for me to shout out to you wherever you are. I love how everything is connected. Words can travel from phones to tablets and emails.
That’s what writing is for me, sharing words.
All this to say, friends “Use what you got!” Don’t let anything limit your ability to love others with whatever talent or task you have. No matter how big or how small,

every hello, every hug counts.

WHY AM I AFRAID?

What would you do if you had 24 hours to live? What if you knew that at the end of that day you were going to place where there was no sickness? A place where you did not need money or food?

A place where no one would condemn you?

What if you knew that the only food you needed was positive affirmations and spiritual enlightenment? Who would you tell and what would you say to them?

What if you could choose eleven people to go with you?

How would you convince them?

Your 24 hours wouldn’t be spent getting your hair and nails done. You wouldn’t go shopping for a new outfit.
Would you eat your favorite meal without worrying about calories?
Would you forgive anyone or seek forgiveness?

I am asking myself all the same questions. How could I reach people? Some of you could drive or maybe jump on a plane to fly across the country to see your sister, your brother or your children.
Well, since I don’t drive, I could call, I could text, or I could post my words on Facebook. I could make signs with my computer, go to the mall and hand them all out. I could put flyers on cars and paste them in bathrooms.

With a little money, you could quickly do a radio and television ALERT. You could rent a plane or a hot air balloon and fly across the city with big words on a long flag. You could pay people to help you.

Why wouldn’t I choose at least one of these avenues to get my message out?

Why am I so afraid? Would you be frightened or would you rejoice?

Leave me a comment with your thoughts.

I am not giving Up!

I will not be defeated! I will not let The Liar win.
I know I am making the devil very upset. That’s just too bad because I refuse to give up!

MY MS jacks up my fingers, invariably I have to unlock my little finger on my left hand. It’s worse when I get a little stressed so listen to me breathe…   Relax…

My husband and I are fervently looking for permanent housing here in Texas. We are waiting. Our car died 50 miles outside of Arlington back in September. Vanessa sits outside waiting to be repaired.

We are waiting & listening for direction from Papa…

“And so God can always point us as examples of the incredible wealth of his favor and kindness toward us, as shown in all he has done for us through Christ Jesus.” Eph. 2:7

Papa, I hear you…

My Child,   I am dwelling with you. My power is in your life; you can show the way to all who need to find ME.
You won’t discover My power or complete your calling if you try and build your life on your accomplishments. I have handpicked you to refresh a world that is wandering around in a dry and thirsty land. Let me fill you with My Spirit, My appointed one; I will show you how to bring them living water and lead them to the real love they long for. I will make way for you to lead them to Me.
I Love you, my chosen one….just seek first my kingdom, and my righteousness and all things shall be added unto you.

I have heard the Spirit calling me ever since I asked the Lord Jesus to take my life. Inviting me to live my life entirely for him. I must live my life with a sense of urgency. According to statistics, the average lifespan is 80 years. That means I have 15 more years to leave the legacy. Even though I believe I will live longer having a goal gives me energy.

I realize life will always change and I must become a master at adjusting.
I am releasing my need to compare myself to others. I will judge myself by my standards of success. I am ENOUGH just as I am.

It is my calling to empower you to do the same!
Now say hallelujah!

I will do all things through Christ who is my strength!!!

Jehovah Nissi you are the best!